Pete is a robot who spent some time on Earth his diaries are as indescribable as Trump but hopefully, make more sense.

Men In Overalls

An overall is like a strapless handbag, there is a pocket for everything.

Thanks to a bump on the ferry from a van driven by (as Don put it) a geriatric reversing with her reading glasses on Don’s car had been bashed within an inch of its life.

And Don, swearing like Bunnie on the wrong side of a hangover, insisted on visiting the ‘lads’- a squad of mechanics who...

A five-part comedy-saga of three elderly men and the women who inspired them to strip down to their Long Johns.

The Three Amigos

The Three Amigos were three seventy-something men who fed up with bingo, lunch clubs with piss-weak tea, and queues at the Co-op had decided they wanted more.

What that more was they had no idea until they, under the influence of a pretty decent malt spied The Back Street Boys on TV.

It was back in the good ole days, when blogs were still read, kindle books were a mere...

The Rise Of Manifesto The Great and all who sail after her will soon be serialized on https://www.royalroad.com.

Stay tuned for when...

And so it begins the serialization of The Woman Who Wanted To Be Funny check it out now on Medium.

Prologue

Eyebrows are the side dish of a face, not the main.

I was sitting in the...

A novel in the making of a woman who wanted to be funny but made jam instead. I love writing stories of women who break out of their prison, ignore their fears, and jump head-on...

Finding the end of sellotape is as easy as finding a man who uses a condom

I decided to say a Christmas thank-you to my son the only way I knew how—with chocolate. He lives in China, and apparently, it’s not that great there.

My husband, a man with more vouchers than Amazon, bought so much cheap chocolate I had to send it in batches.

Or eat it myself …

Every day he came in from work, looked at the pile of chocolate, and asked…

“Have you sent that chocolate yet?”

Sometimes I looked at him like he...

Back in the days when Pete was on earth Pete kept a log, most of which was directed at Mex’s inability to “lay off the sugar”. Word has it he left it behind when he left for Planet Hy Man for those of us who want a gentle reminder of just what a queer bunch we humans are.

Here is a wee extract just for you.

I had been on Earth a week, and my confusion had plunged to the depth of a coal pit, Woody’s “treat 'em mean and keep ‘em keen” lecture didn’t help, and...

So here I am in the east of Scotland in the sort of place that, well, you wouldn’t wear your fancy underwear too, not that I’ve got that many. The sort of place you wouldn’t eat your fish and chips, well I am a vegan. The sort of place you wouldn’t take your shoes off in, especially if you saw my socks and I thought I know I write something funny that will cheer me up.

Could I think of anything funny? The only thing I could think of was this place was worse than my car and my car is pretty...